Downer Upper

Damn, I am exceptionally tired today. I didn't wake up that way. Perhaps it's the sunshine. Perhaps it's the different muscles I used today. Perhaps it's the fact that I have to start working again in a day or two. Perhaps it's all of the above. As I get older, I'm often taken by surprise how quickly my energy changes. I have to remember that my body's been through a major surgery, too. I always seem to forget about that. I have had an exceptional recovery. It's nice to be given a break. I asked for one before surgery and I got it. Tee hee. Snicker. Snicker.

We haven't had sunshine in about a week. It's snowed or rained. My basement has tributaries. I'm still not used to it. If only I hadn't needed my hip replaced, then I could have spent my savings on getting the basement tiled. Oh well, for now, I'll deal with it. I must make sure that the dehumidifier is always emptied. I should plug in the other one, but it usually is too much for the circuit breaker, especially when I blow dry my hair. If it's not one thing, it's another in this house. Ugh! That's why I want to simplify. I've never been good at maintenance. It bores me. That sounds so elitist.

Oh yes, before I forget, I discovered a leak in my roof. It's started to show on the living room ceiling. Luckily, I'll be able to get someone here tomorrow, before the next deluge scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday. I have to get my downspout hooked up. What in the hell did I do all day? Why am I taking note of all this right now? Denial.

I bought a recurve bow and arrow for my birthday. I learned how to string the bow today. I wanted to rush through reading the instructions, but I recalled how the guy at the shop said that it's dangerous. My friend Jackie Gleason brought over a TV box, so I could use it in the garden to block out weeds. Instead, I taped a target to it. I hit the bulls eye twice out of seven rounds of six arrows. I have a propensity to shoot to the right. A childhood friend recommended that I purchase a compound bow because it's easier to learn. Too late for that. He then suggested a scope. I figured I'd spend $17 on personal instruction from someone who's been doing it for a while.

I was surprised at how tired and sweaty I got. Of course, it was well over 70 today, which has been a rarity for six months. I laid on the patio a few times. I let Eowyn outside, so she could wander around the yard a bit. As soon as I started shooting, she went to the patio door and wanted in. Smart girl. Mommy is still learning. I've been varying my physical activities.

I either walk or swim each day, so I can lubricate my hip. I started aching the other day, which surprised me. I figured that my hip needed a break. I was also getting a little bored with just those two activities. I am very much looking forward to riding my bike. I hear that's about two months away. I know for a fact that I don't have simple thigh strength--something to work toward. I like that I am moving again. I like that I am gradually building my activities. It seems so logical and different than anything else I've done before.

I may start work a few days early. I've heard that they can use my help. However, I am only going to work part-time until my strength comes back. I have got to put myself first, which is again something new for me. I'm already anticipating great stress, which doesn't bode well for me to really want to go back to work. There's an article in the April issue of "Yoga Journal," which talks about achieving and keeping a Zen state at work. I'm sure it would behoove me to read that article soon. Of course, I have to remember that it's all in how I react.

I've actually had times in my life where I protect myself, no one and nothing can interrupt my Zen state. Somehow I usually lose it. A small crack appears, and then within days I'm a goner...back to being miserable because of my own thoughts. Sometimes I think people think it's funny when they can get me wound up. Must be great power for them. I can't imagine seeking and savoring that kind of power, which seems to be devoid of compassion.

Man, I hate to end this entry on a downer note. Let me see whether I can find an upper quote.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -- George Carlin