Half Days

Started back to work on Tuesday. Have been trying to do four hour days, which is totally exhausting me. I practically race home to hit the bed. I fall deeply asleep and awake two hours later. Then, at night, when I'm supposed to sleep, I can't. I'm getting irritated because I'm too tired to get in any exercise. Not sure how I'm going to handle it, but I have to figure out some kind of work around. I'm noticing a change in the dog vs. cat relationship, too. There's contention again because I'm not around to keep the dog in line. I already miss my time off.

There's noticeable tension at work. My favorite program manager put in his two-week notice. When I first started there, he and I had epic battles (he'd only been there a month or two ahead of me)--arguing over who was going to do what. We both decided that we were passionate about our jobs, which gave us something in common. After we established that foundational value, we became more like coworkers or brother and sister--trusting each other to do his/her job and the right thing. I will dearly miss him. Not sure how his leaving will affect me yet. Not having him in my corner will hurt. Work won't be fun. It'll be all heads down and no room for easing up, which I totally predict.

I know I will eventually work up to eight hours, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it next week. It's been six weeks since my surgery, hard to believe. I will have to let my employer know that I'll do what I can, but I'm not sure when I'll be totally up to snuff. They've been great thus far, allowing me the time off as a contractor and letting me come back to work, so I don't want to press them too much. However, I have to take care of myself. I look at this surgery as an investment in myself, so I don't want to screw it up.

I did nap for two hours today. I had a hard time waking up, but Eowyn wanted me out of the bed, so I could play with her. I ate dinner, and then scurried back to bed. Finally, I got up enough strength to go to the pool. It was wonderful. Hardly a person there, so I really got to stretch out my body. Of course, the loudspeaker was blaring 50s music, which drove me half nuts, but I tried my best to block it out. I'd think that nice, calm music would be more appropriate at night time. Sleepy, sleepy. Complaining aside, I did work my hip hard, especially after sitting most of the day in meetings or at my desk. Right now, my hip and wooden chairs don't agree. It's a creepy. I can feel my implant, for some reason. Gives me the willies.

While I was taking a nap this afternoon, the cat starting meowing loudly. He then moved in and attacked the dog--something I've never seen him do before. I'm always onto the dog for hunting the cat. Perhaps while I'm gone that happens, and then the cat pays the dog back when I'm around. Just when I got everything under control at home, it all changes by me going back to work. Time for the baby gates to go back up. Dog...you stay in this room while I'm gone. Cat...you stay in this room while I'm gone.

I think I'm like most people my age. I would like to retire. I'd like to chillax at home with the dog and cat some more, working on my health--physically, mentally, and spiritually. That's not going to happen in my lifetime though. When the bottom fell out of the stock market in 2008, I got laid off twice that year, and then had to go through my 401(k) to survive. Couldn't get a job for a total of 18 months. Sucks big time. I used to not be able to write or talk about it because I'd get so angry. Now it's something that happened and a reality I have to deal with. The last of the Baby Boomers got fucked. (Okay, I'm still angry.)

I suppose all that gave me a different perspective on my life. I've never been a traditional person by any means, so why start now? I have my dream that's come about quite vividly over the past few months. I will work toward that. Gives me a reason to go into work each day and earn money. I work better when I have a dream or I have a goal in mind. Simply stated, I work better when I have direction.

My direction is to

• Take care of my body, getting movement incorporated almost every day.
• Work toward my dream, so I can begin living it within a year. 
• Keep the cat and dog relationship  manageable, making sure they can coexist in the house. 

There. I like that simplicity. 

Now I'm going back to bed. Toodles.