Good Intentions

The sun was finally out today. Seriously, it's been almost two full weeks of rain, so I was inspired to get moving and get some Vitamin D soaking into my largest organ. I headed outside with good intentions. I truly did. Maybe repeat swimming, especially if that hunk of a kid was at the wellness center today. (I needed just one more visual of him walking into the pool with that unflinching, white toothy grin of his.) Maybe walk around Gray's Lake. But, between overdoing my oh-my-God-I-finally-have-an-audience comedy routine at work and the icy cold wind, I ended up passing out on the couch due to exhaustion.

I stopped by work. It's been three weeks since I've been there. Of course, I made no announcement that I was going to show up. The more drama, the better. All I said was, and quite loudly too, "Well, look what the cat dragged in!" I was greeted with smiles and giggles and soul-warming hugs. I felt cared for, which sent me into telling all kinds of funny stories about my hip replacement.

One of the women asked me how I get in and out of bed. Of course, I answered her in the most obnoxious way I could think of. (Hell, there wasn't any human resources police around anyway.) "Well, he's about 26 years old. Blond hair, brown eyes... ." They howled, and so did I. One of my male coworkers nicely humored me. I had no idea I missed everyone so much. To add to the silliness, I demonstrated how I could now walk forward, backward, and side-to-side. Another woman asked me whether I'd invested in sound effects similar to what the Bionic Man and Bionic Woman had. I told her that I did, but I hadn't turned it on yet. I didn't want to overwhelm anyone with all the changes.

I left there with lovely sentiment, and then proceeded to hook up a million-calorie lunch. (Sometimes it's just really great to be totally naughty with food.) Walking from the parking lot to the restaurant was ridiculous. I felt that if I had an umbrella, then I would have been whisked away into another location (quite possibly continent), like Mary Poppins but without unflappable grace and form.

Midway into the meal I began to feel one-dimensional. I couldn't drive home or walk in the door fast enough, so I could fall desperately on the couch and get some rest. I instantly fell into a deep sleep, but kept waking myself up, so I could make it to the pool on time. MUST SEE MR. HUNKY CHILD BEFORE WEEKEND. MUST SEE TONED CHEST AND ABS. MUST SEE PERFECTLY PLACED TATTOOS. It didn't work. Good intentions and all.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" - Charlie Brown